Breathing and alive

I will be back soon...the weather here has been incredible which makes for little time indoors. I'll be back soon though.

Well, that was a nice little break...

Or maybe not.

It has been a big week! I had a MRI, a doctor's appointment, Macie's first day of 2nd grade (!) and another doctor's appointment an hour and a half north.

We will start with the first...

MRI came back. The gist of our appointment with my regular ENT went something like this...

"The lump that is in your mouth is a lymph node on top of your saliva gland. I don't think you have cancer. Most tumors do not move. We can remove your entire gland if you want. It will leave a scar on the outside of your face. If not, I will see you in a month."

Jeremy and I left confused. At first, the doctor called back with the MRI results and said it is the gland that is the lump. Not the lymph node on top of it.

Once they bring up that C-word, I get a little more cautious.

We left thinking we want a second opinion, just to be sure. Yesterday, we got in to another doctor who has a office at Barnes. He said there is a small chance it is cancer, although he is leaning more toward the fact that it is not. He wants be to see his colleague who deals with saliva gland tumors. He said if anyone would know, this doctor would. That appointment is on September 17 at Barnes.

I love doctors...

In my heart, I know everything is fine. I am not too worried about it. But since that word came up by the doctors, Jeremy and I wanted to make sure. Since the doctor in St. Louis brought it up to see his colleague, I am relived I am not hallucinating. The MRI did show something...they are just not sure what it is. I am just ready to be done with doctors, this lump to go down and get on with it!

On to better things! MJ started second grade! Can you believe it? I will have pictures soon, but not now. She loves it...her teachers, seeing her friends...everything.

I love that she loves it.

We have a concert it St. Louis this weekend...Nickelback, Theory of a Dead Man and Papa Roach. So excited...it will be a fun group with all our friends.

Fall classes started back....which means I am off to read my chapters. Ugh.

Menu Plan Monday: The week of August 16

Monday: Beef and broccoli
Tuesday: Jeremy wants to cook burgers. Okay!
Wednesday: We officially have a second grader! Macie gets to pick dinner. If not, we will have Pasta and zuchinni

Thursday: Hamburgers and french fries
Friday: Pizza
Saturday: Concert in St. Louis...the girls will eat leftovers
Sunday: Slow cooker black beans and rice

For more menu ideas, check out Menu Plan Monday.

More Random Information (MRI)

First off, I am so glad it is Friday. Even though the week has went by quickly, there is nothing like Friday and weekends.

Tonight, the girls and I will do some last minute school shopping before Macie starts next Wednesday. I got most of her school uniforms bought this week but we still need some shoes. Hopefully, we will have some luck and get some cute ones.

Saturday, we have NOTHING to do. The girls are happy thrilled to stay at home in PJ's all day. They ask me if we can stay home. I am the same way...occasionally I will feel like shopping on Saturday but most of the time, I'd rather do it on Friday nights so my Saturday is open. It's just how I am.

Sunday, I will have a MRI. Yes, a MRI. I have been having some jaw pain/swelling off and on for a few months. At first, they thought it was a blocked saliva gland but after this current episode with it, they are not sure anymore. It has been hurting and feeling bruised for the last two weeks, like someone knocked me in my jaw. It started swelling yesterday and progressed as the day went on. There are so many things that it could be but the pain and swelling is my only symptom. You can feel something in there...not a knot, but a tendon or muscle (it is soft tissue). I have no idea what it is but it moves around when you press it. I am clueless but that is why we pay the doctors for this stuff! My ENT decided on the MRI so hopefully it will tell us what is going on so I can get it taken care of.

Other than that, nothing too much to report. I am grateful that we have "boring lives" and our own excitement. Just plain, everyday excitement. I hope you all have a good weekend!

Honest Scrap Award

Alicia passed an award to me...The Honest Scrap Award. Hmmm, at times, I wish I was a little more honest on here but my kids will be reading this one day so I just keep it Rated G. Nonetheless, thanks Alicia!

Here are ten things you may or may not know about me...

1. I can not drink milk after anyone. Jeremy will pour me a glass and I have to watch him or he will try to drink some before me which in turn causes me to pour myself a new glass. I am not sure why, but it just grosses me out.
2. I finished with an A in my last class and will be starting classes again in one week yesterday.
3. I just started a new book, While They Were Sleeping: 12 Character Traits for Moms to Pray. I will let you know what I think. So far, so good!
4. I have already started Christmas shopping and have nieces and nephews DONE! And I did not need to take money from our Christmas account either. Yay!
5. I love writing with pencils.
6. I go to the recycling center almost every day. It's just a few minutes from Zoa's preschool so it makes it convenient to take small loads as opposed to one big load of bins.
7. Only I could lose my hair straightener. Not sure how considering the last place I used it was at home, but I accomplished it.
8. My new favorite clothing item is a bunch of cute tees I got from Charlotte Russe, only one of which they have online.
9. I love vanilla scented anything. Candles, air fresheners, body sprays...anything.
10. I have officially had an iPhone for a month or two now and cannot go back to anything else. One of the best inventions for gadget junkies!

Now it is your turn...post this award to your blog tell me 10 things I don't know about you!

Wordless Wednesday: Round 'em up!

Check out more Wordless Wednesday by going to 5 Minutes For Mom.

Child of Divorce

I grew up in a happy family...well rounded parents, loving and warm. Sisters that are more like best friends. I had a fun childhood with a smart, hard working dad and a great stay at home mom.

Once I hit about 17, I met the man of my dreams, fell in love and became pregnant at 18. Another child after that and we were married...I was praying (and still pray) for a long lasting marriage. Up until the night before the wedding, I told Jeremy, "If you want out, get out now. No questions asked. This is it. Divorce is not an option."

Little did I know, soon enough, I would be the child of one.

It has been the hardest thing, by far, I have ever experienced in my life.

For anyone that assumes it may be easier when you are grown, think again. To think about all the memories of your childhood - family dinners, relaxing Sundays, holidays, inside jokes- all just ripped apart at the seams. Yeah I know, I still have the memories. But it is not the same.

For instance, I now wonder if the girls will remember that last time they stayed the night with Grandma and Papa. Will they remember Sundays there?

For anyone that assumes it may be easier when you are grown, think again. You may think you are old enough to handle the details. At first you may be. But as time goes on, I wish I knew nothing. I am not strong enough. They are still my parents. I love them unconditionally no matter what.

I do not handle this, can not handle this, any better than a five year old. Sometimes it is just too tough. Nothing that a cartoon can distract.

I find myself here, close to a year later, still dealing with all of it. It still hurts me. I am angry, heartbroken and bitter. Hurt that my parents, my girls' grandparents turned into this. Angry that everything was taken away from me...just like that. Heartbroken that people can go from spending day in and day out with each other to practically hating each other. Bitter that I can not do a thing about any of it.

I am just ready for things to be civil.

It's scary for me. Since that day, I have told so many friends, "Do not let me divorce. DO NOT. No matter what happens." I have told them to hold me accountable.

It just all around sucks.



{I have yet to talk about my parent's divorce on here in depth for one reason - they both read my blog. Mom & Dad, when you see this, I just had to vent and this allowed me to do just that. Please do not bring this up. KThanksBye}

Menu Plan Monday

I am still doing the monthly menu, but am going to start posting weekly. Hope you all have a great week!

Monday: Leftovers
Tuesday: Grilled Chicken Burgers, chips and tomato and artichoke salad

Wednesday: BBQ chicken, baked beans and a veggie
Thursday: Stuffed Green Peppers

Friday: Pizza
Saturday: Build your own tacos
Sunday: Fajitas

For more menu ideas, visit Menu Plan Monday!

August Check-In

{Better late than never}

Last month was tough...a lot tougher than I expected. We did manage to put pay back 7% of the total we paid off last month so we are making progress! Vacation took a toll on the budget, along with one smaller paycheck. Factor in tuition payments that started in July and my class that I am taking and we are looking kind of measly! But that is okay...we made it through and now we are on to another month.

Here's our updated list...

1. $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
This has always been in place...we just have to use it instead of a credit card for emergencies.
2. Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball. Our goal is to have everything but the student loan, car and land paid off my the end of the year.

• Doctor bill - Paid off in May 2009!
  
• Doctor bill - Made large payment.
  
• Credit card - Paid off in June 2009!
  
• Credit card - Paid off in June 2009!
• Credit card - Paid off in June 2009!
• Doctor bill - Paid off in June 2009!
• "Loan" to pay off all those bills - Down 7% with only 93% to go. :)
  
• Student loan
• My car
• Land

"A big part of being strong financially is that you know where you are weak and take action to make sure you don’t fall prey to the weakness. And we ALL are weak."
— Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover

(Image via.)

So much to say but...

Before I blog about our little getaway, I have to tell you this. If you were at our house at 9:30 last night, you would have overheard this:

Picture it...

Me telling the girls to please go to sleep. Be quiet. Lie down. Quit talking. Go to sleep.

Over and over and over.

Finally, Zoa, who would not lie down or be quiet after I told her to numerous times, gets a little swat on the butt by your truly.

She is about to start crying hysterically, tears forming in her eyes, lips started to quiver...

"Mom. I just want to tell you Jesus would not be very happy you hit me."

I replied, "Jesus would not be very happy you did not listen."

I was so glad she finally slipped under the cover because I could not help but smile (and then laugh!).