Child of Divorce

I grew up in a happy family...well rounded parents, loving and warm. Sisters that are more like best friends. I had a fun childhood with a smart, hard working dad and a great stay at home mom.

Once I hit about 17, I met the man of my dreams, fell in love and became pregnant at 18. Another child after that and we were married...I was praying (and still pray) for a long lasting marriage. Up until the night before the wedding, I told Jeremy, "If you want out, get out now. No questions asked. This is it. Divorce is not an option."

Little did I know, soon enough, I would be the child of one.

It has been the hardest thing, by far, I have ever experienced in my life.

For anyone that assumes it may be easier when you are grown, think again. To think about all the memories of your childhood - family dinners, relaxing Sundays, holidays, inside jokes- all just ripped apart at the seams. Yeah I know, I still have the memories. But it is not the same.

For instance, I now wonder if the girls will remember that last time they stayed the night with Grandma and Papa. Will they remember Sundays there?

For anyone that assumes it may be easier when you are grown, think again. You may think you are old enough to handle the details. At first you may be. But as time goes on, I wish I knew nothing. I am not strong enough. They are still my parents. I love them unconditionally no matter what.

I do not handle this, can not handle this, any better than a five year old. Sometimes it is just too tough. Nothing that a cartoon can distract.

I find myself here, close to a year later, still dealing with all of it. It still hurts me. I am angry, heartbroken and bitter. Hurt that my parents, my girls' grandparents turned into this. Angry that everything was taken away from me...just like that. Heartbroken that people can go from spending day in and day out with each other to practically hating each other. Bitter that I can not do a thing about any of it.

I am just ready for things to be civil.

It's scary for me. Since that day, I have told so many friends, "Do not let me divorce. DO NOT. No matter what happens." I have told them to hold me accountable.

It just all around sucks.



{I have yet to talk about my parent's divorce on here in depth for one reason - they both read my blog. Mom & Dad, when you see this, I just had to vent and this allowed me to do just that. Please do not bring this up. KThanksBye}