Sinking...

Everything that has happened these lasts few months is starting to bring me down.

Our lives at home must return to normal. I have to buy groceries, clip coupons (Curious Cousin...wanna help? Just kidding!), clean (our bathrooms are icky!) , do laundry (we are living out of our dryer), spend time with my children, spend time with my husband, etc., but the motivation is not there. (Well, except for the last two.)

Last night, I made spaghetti. Jeremy told me it was good and I told him is was a feat in and of itself that I cooked. I didn't care what it tasted like. But I cooked - for the first time since I can remember. We have been living on Burger King, Taco Bell...you get the picture.

For those of you who don't know, I love to cook. Believe it or not, it's my downtime. It's my release at the end of the day. For me, there is nothing like getting out my wooden cutting board and chopping up some fresh veggies.

We have not had fresh veggies in so long. And you know how I feel about eating good food, food that is good for you.

I was thinking on the way home last night - if I didn't have the girls, I would be a lazy bum right about now. The couch would have a deep impression of my body. That's how I feel. They are keeping me alive, so to speak. (Don't take that literally.)

These two funerals really made me wonder if something were to happen to me tomorrow, would my family know how I felt. The girls? I have not spent enough time with them lately. They need me like I need them. Jeremy? He has been the best husband throughout all if this. Patient, understanding, patient. But, I need to spend time with him too. And once again, our lives must get back to normal.

I guess this is the new normal.

I will probably be going to the doctor next week. Depression, sadly enough, is not something new to me. I am just going to ride this out for a few days and see what comes of it.